Grateful for the Miracle!

Hello reader! This is the first time I have shared my testimony on paper. But I have felt the need to open a window to the world about why I sing Christian music and why I love Jesus so much. So let me begin by taking you back to when I was a young girl. I was born into a big family of 5 children. My parents both come from multi-racial backgrounds, so naturally I came out looking like a mixed child. When I started 5th grade we had moved to a very nice area that was predominately Caucasian. Right from the start, I felt different and out of place. I was short and frumpy. I had wild curly hair so my mom put it in braids and all the kids at school thought it was the craziest thing they had ever seen! I wanted so badly to be like all the other girls because they were tall and thin, and they had straight beautiful hair and it made me hate myself. I wondered why I was so different from them. I used to get teased about my body because I was short and very shapely for my age. I hadn’t grown into myself yet, so I would wear big t-shirts and big jackets to hide my body.

Even in a school of almost 4000 students I never found anyone I could identify with. Because of the way I looked, I was so different from everyone. I didn’t fit in with the Caucasian girls, I didn’t fit in with the African American girls, and I didn’t fit in with the Latino girls. I was once again teased for my body shape. People would come up to me and ask me why certain parts of my body looked the way they did! And it embarrassed me so much it made me feel ugly. I was very thin in high school but it runs in my family to be very shapely, so my body was different than most girls. I would try to compare myself to other people, and I couldn’t find one person who was shaped like me. And some of those scars from being teased still bother me today.

One day they were having auditions at school for someone to sing at a school assembly, and I tried out. No one knew who I was, and I sang my song and left. Later, I was picked to sing in front of the whole school! I was so excited but once again terrified! The day came, and I got up to sing and everyone was starring at me. I just took a breath and sang the song. I was applauded throughout the whole song and at the end, I received a standing ovation! And from that moment on, I knew that I wanted to be a singer. So, all throughout high school, I sang for many events. I was known as “the singer”. But no one really knew me as me. I didn’t know myself! I was still trying to be the next Mariah Carey.

I felt very alone in high school. There were days I would wander around the campus, and I knew a lot of faces, but I didn’t have my own set of friends to belong too. I felt like an outcast. Some people saw me as “The Singer”, but inside I was very alone, scared, and empty. And once again music was my refuge. I would get lost in it. I would stand in front of the mirror in my bedroom and become whatever I wanted to be. I would imagine huge crowds of people cheering as I sang and it made me feel so free. However, once I took off my head phones I was all alone and empty again. I needed Jesus. I just didn’t realize it then.

There I was, close to 18 years old. I still didn’t know Jesus. I was still empty, scared, lost, alone and searching for happiness. My day would consist of waking up late at about 10:00 a.m., turning on MTV, and watching that for hours at a time hoping to catch a glimpse of NSYNC or the Backstreet Boys. My walls were covered in posters of Mariah Carey, Nsync, Backstreet Boys, and random male models etc… I was lost in a thick fog of secular music and worldliness. I wanted to be a singer but nothing ever worked out for me. I had different people try to help me but it just never worked out. I longed so much to be a famous singer with a big record deal and to get out of that small town. I wanted to prove to everyone that I could make it. But as the days went by nothing happened, and I was sinking lower and lower into darkness.

I was raised in the Church, and I went to church every weekend. But, I never paid any attention. I was mostly bored, and I would draw or write notes. I just didn’t understand what it was all about. Then, we got a new Pastor. He was the new husband of a church member, and he was fresh out of college. He was 26 yrs. old and he was on-fire for Christ. I thought he was very interesting, so I started paying attention in church more. And come to find out, he had just gotten out of a major Record deal with E.M.I. Records. Now instead of Rapping he was preaching! God sent him to my small town to reach me. I just didn’t know it at the time. As he began to open the bible to me I was amazed at what I was learning. I had never before heard the bible preached that way. I also was very interested to know why in the world he would give up a record deal! That was all I wanted at the time.

As time passed, I began to know Christ and the war against my flesh started. I no longer wanted to watch MTV for hours. I no longer wanted to listen to Mariah and Nsync. My wants were changing. I was obsessed with those things and I needed to stop. My mind was so clouded by the music that I couldn’t hear God's voice. I knew He was calling me out. It was very hard but as I prayed for God to save me from the Music, he did. He broke the chains that were binding me. As I began to give up different things satan really started to attack me on every side with different temptations. At times, I felt overwhelmed, and I would give in to some of them and feel so guilty. One night I felt overwhelmed by guilt, and I felt ashamed of the life that I had been living. I got on my knees and cried and prayed that God would save me and forgive me. I no longer wanted to be that person that I was. I wanted to be free from my sins. I wanted forgiveness. I wanted to feel loved. I wanted peace. And that night I accepted Jesus into my heart. The next morning I awoke to a brand new day. I felt peace, I felt different, and I knew this was the beginning of a whole new life.

A few years later I fell in love with my husband, and I got married. Things were blissful and we were happy. And then something horrible happened to me! In the middle of the night I awoke to my head itching so badly that I couldn’t take it. I went to take a shower thinking that I just needed to wash my hair. As I was washing my hair, huge clumps of it started to fall out at my feet! I was in complete shock. I got out of the shower and went to sleep. The next day I looked in the mirror and to my horror, half of my hair had fallen out! I didn’t know what was going on. I became very depressed, and I didn’t want to be around people. I was sad and in the depths of despair. I didn’t understand why this thing had happened to me.

I decided to go to the doctor, and I found out that I had a disease called “Alopecia Areata”. It’s an auto-immune disease where your immune system attacks your hair follicles and your hair falls out. The doctor took one look at me and said, “Well there’s no medicine I can give you for this. And there is no guarantee it will ever grow back. But if it does it will probably fall out again. And if you ever want to have a normal amount of hair you will have to wait years and years and years.”

At that point I felt as though my life was over. I truly wanted to die. All of my hopes for a singing career vanished, and I was at the deepest depression that I have ever experienced. So, I called my daddy, and he is a hairdresser. I asked him to send me some wigs. All of the ones he sent me looked very unreal and it made me cry even more. So I decided that I was going to make my own wig. My daddy sent me the hair that they use for hair extensions, so I sat on my bed everyday for hours upon end sewing my own wig by hand until I made it look as real as I could. No one ever said anything to me. They all thought it was my hair.

I would get up in the middle of the night and go into my living room and cry for hours asking God why, why, why he allowed this to happen to me. I hid myself from my family and friends. However, during that time, I had to completely rely on God. I prayed more than I ever had before. I searched the scriptures constantly for comfort. All I could do was trust that God would bring me through the trial, and I would be normal again. It was during that time that God was refining me. He was preparing me for my ministry, but I didn’t realize it because I was in so much despair. It was during that time that I began to write. I never before had a reason to write. As I was growing closer to Christ, he was giving me strength to make it through my trial. I began to express my love and gratitude through songs. I was amazed at my song writing capabilities that I never possessed before! I was writing from my heart and it was a wonderful release. My mother always told me that I was going to sing Gospel Music, but I thought she was crazy. I had no interest in singing Gospel music. But she knew even when I was a little girl that God had a special plan for my life.

By the end of that year, I noticed that my hair was growing back! I was so happy, but I kept remembering what the doctor said. I was afraid that it was going to fall out again. But, it kept growing and growing. By the end of the next year it was getting close to my shoulders. By the end of the next year, it was past my shoulders and going down my back. My hair had grown almost down to my waist. In 2006, my hair was past my hips! Praise God! What a miracle! Normal hair growth is about 12 cm a year and my hair grew at rates of almost 3 times that!

You know, I was never going to talk about this ever because I thought I was one of the only people who had my disease. But then I found out that there are millions who have it. I met some people here in my community who are struggling with it, and God showed me that HE worked a miracle on me. I can no longer hide this miracle that I have experienced. I must share it because I want people to know that we serve an awesome God. He cares so much about us, and He wants as many people to be saved as possible. I hope that my story can bring hope to those who are suffering with Alopecia Areata and anyone who has a disease and has lost hope. I am here to tell you that God works Miracles! All it takes on our part is to have faith! Believe that Jesus will heal you and HE will! I am living proof of that!

He brought me through the hardest test of my life! I owe my life to him! I cannot imagine singing songs that aren’t about Jesus. All I want to do now is sing about Jesus and tell the world about my loving savior who died for me, who forgave me, who changed me, who saved me from the darkness, and who healed me. Everyday I grow closer to Him. Everyday he shows me something new about His character. There is so much to learn about Jesus. There is sooooo much He wants to give us and teach us. But most importantly, He wants us to accept His love, accept His sacrifice, so we can be changed and saved!!!

So from there God has opened more doors for me than I could have ever imagined. I have 4 cd’s out now. I have been blessed to minister all over the United States. I have met lots of awesome people who love the Lord. My dreams are coming true and I get to sing about Jesus! I never thought that all these things would happen if I chose to sing Gospel music. Psalms 37:4 says: “Delight thyself also in the Lord and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart”. And it is soooooo true! I never imagined how great and awesome this journey could be. I love singing about Jesus. It totally fulfills me. I know that my music is making a difference in people’s lives. And that’s so rewarding to me! Everything I do, all of my talents come from Christ. I take no credit for them. I am just honored to know that he chose me to be a minister through music, and I will forever be indebted to Him.

I am no longer the person I was. I am no longer searching for a place to fit in. I am now apart of God’s family and this is where I fit in. I am no longer worried about my body image or feeling like an outcast because Jesus has accepted me for who I am! One of my favorite bible verses says: Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold all things are become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV)

This is how I feel, I feel like a new creature! I look at my past and I wonder who that old person was. I don’t even think I know who I was. I never really started living until I knew Jesus. So that is why I sing what I sing. That is why I love Jesus so much. And now I ask you reader do you know Jesus? Do you want to? You can have His love and forgiveness right now! Just ask Him to come into your heart and he will. He loves you and He always will. His gift of love is free. Now you must make the choice to accept Him. I tell you it will be the best decision you will ever make! Have you touched Jesus? God bless you!

Love,

Athena